Flashcube.org

The marriage between Yugloslavian and Mexican music seems improbable but strangely was quite popular during the 1950’s for one reason or another. More info can be found here.

Our favourite Flashcube.org teenage supersleuth Nikki has provided me with this link to a course being offered at the University of British Columbia. Exotic Pole Dancing is now available for the taking. It’s being marketed as a means to stay in shape but oddly the desciption on the website neglects to say anything regarding wether or not a slutty costume is a prerequisite. Here’s hoping.

Now common thought would dictate someone who really only needs to be certified by a doctor to prove that the mental disorder they think they have would have better things to do than to troll the outer fringes of the internet and pull up a smelly, slimy thing such as this. I’ve stated before that I have no problem absolutely liking certain television shows or movies as long as it doesn’t involve me learning a new language (I barely have a grasp on English) and wearing a metal codpiece. However, the codpiece could help me escape the unfathomable depths of depression I’ve been suffering over the past year or so (whoops!). There is good news to all this though; it’s that I’ve learned to channel my negative energy into chuckles via this website. In addition, finding people like this helps to fortify the belief that despite my inability to deal with hardships there are other people out there who are more in need of a mental help professional than I.

The Drunkard website has a series of rules that may help your drinking pleasure on New Year’s Eve.

Here’s a taste:

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
71. It’s acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even Eric as he makes his drunk ass home reeking of booze and cigarettes then trying to piece together the events of the previous evening when he wakes up thinking, “Did I say that to her? Wow. I really am an asshole”. Fuck it, here’s something that truly represents the spirit of Christmas. Little kids crapping their pants with fear whenever they’re near Jolly Old Saint Nick.

We all know that the holidays can be stressful. Buying presents for countless friends and relatives. It’s almost enough to make one snap. It’s a good thing that I’ve strong resolve and aren’t prone to such temptations despite how easy it would be. I’m counting down my last few hours of freedom before the onslaught. God help me.

A friend of mine Mike Schulz has a thing or two to say about travelling. Can I disagree? Not in the least because I’m the asshole who just picked up 100 pounds worth of clothes from the Greyhound station earlier this afternoon and just last week I was complaining about my lack of trousers.

On the lost art of being a terrible traveller: Holiday Edition.

Part One: Packing

1) When packing do so late at night, preferably in a hurry, even if you
have plenty of time.

2) Listen to your instincts. Particularly if it is a voice telling you
to be prepared for every eventuality. Perhaps, for instance, you may
want to wear a suit during your trip. In that case pack two.

3) Have you recently done laundry and thus have nothing but clean socks
and underwear? Pack them all. You can never have enough socks and
underwear. Haven’t done laundry in a while and having nothing but soiled
undergarments. Pack them all. You can never do enough free laundry.

4) *Special Tip* Pack all your shirts with their hangers. Who knows…
you may have closet space at your destination. Besides its faster (see
tip 1) and clothes hangers can’t weigh that much can they?

5) Buy your X-mas gifts according to weight. Ideal purchasing comment:
‘Wow, these decorative bookends are clearly made of a sturdy metal. I
wonder if its lead?’

6) You can never pack enough shoes.

7) Make sure to pack any work that you are guarenteed not to do.
Similarly, make sure to bring all those books you’ve been meaining to
read for the last six months but haven’t. Hardbacks are ideal.

8) I cannot stress this tip enough. Ensure that your luggage is at least
twenty years old. New enough to be ugly, but old enough to predate the
marriage of suitcases and wheels. Also it is highly desirable for your
luggage to be twice as big as anything you could possibly carry. Finally
your luggage should have at least one sharp protrusion (perhaps a broken
buckle) with which you can tear your own clothes and the clothing of
others.

9)Finally, remember, it is not how much you bring with you, it is how
badly you pack it.

Part 2: Getting to getting there is 1/4 the fun!

Assuming you have packed appropriately, the next and most hazardous
part of the journey is ahead of you. Not the journey itself but getting
to the bus depot, train station. or air port.

Tips:

1) Under no circumstances take a taxi. This is a must. Rather, one
should use public transportation, ideally with a number of transfers
between buses and/or trains.

2) Ensure that you must be at your embarkation point during peak
commuting hours. Nothing impresses commuters more than someone squeezing
their way onto a crowded train with three times their body mass in
luggage. Especially if your luggage has sharp edges as per Pt. 1, tip 8.

3) Make certain to get off of public transportation a stop or two early.
With your heavy, unwheeled, luggage you should look as though you have
completed a triathalon before you arrive at the station. Crying is also
recommended.

4) If you speak the language, don’t.

5) Make sure you arrive before the recommended time and then become
irratible when your plane/train/bus is twenty minutes late.

Lastly, three general tips to make you a terrible traveller:

1) Stress is your friend. Repeat after me: Hurry up and wait. Hurry up
and wait…

2) Under no circumstances sleep before your journey. It takes away from
your unholy edge. Ideally consume a caffinated or alcholic beverage
before boarding (if possible have both).

3) Do not bathe. Make sure everyone smells the coffee, cigarrets and
scotch you have consumed.

Any rate, happy holidays one and all. To those to whom I have more or
less lost contanct with and now hang my head in semi-shame to, please
drop me a line at this here email address. I like check it and stuff.
Also, if anyone is in Calgary and would like to try to hook up, I will
be there between Boxing Day and January 2. Merry X-Mas

After a day of settling in after the move I am prepared to bring you the garbage you’ve come to expect from me. Christmas is a special time; a time of giving. This is my gift to you. Happy holiday.

Eric is a funny man. When we were in art school Eric treated his space more like a treehouse than a studio. on the wall that greeted the person approaching his fort, the phrase “I am an ASS monkey” was gleefully (and neatly) painted in black with a half-inch wide paintbrush. It is during that semester that I became a friend of Eric’s. And I think that sign has coloured everything I have thought about Eric since then.

I have no idea what is going on here, but the photos are beautiful.

I am very tired and hungover. This is the best I can do at the moment. I have not tried it out because it is Windows only. It might be a good reason to load Virtual PC though. I hope you like it.

I (Mason) have been known to search Google for hours on end trying to find the “definitive” version of a DVD for my collection. Often this just involves checking to see if there is a Criterion release for whatever title I am looking for. Sometimes, especially with foreign films (i.e. not from North America) it involves a much longer search.

Thank god for DVD Beaver. They meticulously rate different versions of the same movie from different regions on different qualities, such as Image, Sound, Features etc… You really cannot take full advantage of the site unless you have a multi-region DVD player.

It takes a certain type of personality to be this picky about the DVDs one buys. But who am I to say anything about their state of mind when it benefits me so much. Plus, I am not that far off, but I am too lazy to turn it into a productive disorder.

It turns out to get everything I want I need to buy two versions of Yi Yi.

Dear Vancouver,

Thanks for all the fun times and friends I’ve made over the last 5 years. Despite the fact that I can be a bit ummmm…. “different” at the best of times, I really do like you. I will miss everyone dearly.

Love,
Eric

P.S. I’m not going that damn far, for fuck’s sakes. I’m only a plane ride away. And while you’re grieving why don’t you email me or something, dammit! This weekend Mason will be taking over Flashcube.org duties before I arrive and resume again Tuesday or Wednesday. And yes, I will actually miss all of you.

Now it’s difficult for me to think of any reason of any reason that someone would want to listen to MIDI versions of pop songs past. However there is a point to all this. That’s to demonstrate how easy it is to get a song stuck in your head. They talk of how insufferable these songs are. I suppose that’s entirely a matter of conjecture. I like a good pop song better than most so while most would cringe at this site, I smile.

Oh baby. You’re so fine. Let’s make some beautiful music together. Mmmm-Mmmm. Damn! Put those heels on, lady. Why are you going over to that computer? There ain’t no music there. What’s that website you’re checking out. Looks like a Lite-Brite with some wack Philip Glass shit playing from it. Aw shit. I’ll be in bed if you’re interested in something that’ll really make you sing.

NOTE: The preceding scenario should in no way represent the way that Eric would ever treat a woman. He loves and respects most women he meets but unfortunately is very lonely and has an overactive imagination.

Here’s an idea for your next party. How about we take the lifeless, limbless effigy of a naked man or woman, get blindfolded, spun around, and beat the living shit out of it with a stick until it bleeds candy. What? Someone’s already thought that up? Fuck!

I don’t need critics. I’m my own worst critic. Case in point: the post previous to this was a bit of a cop-out. I had the link sitting in “flashcube links” folder, thought it mildly interesting and decided to put it up with barely an entertaining byline or anything. So now I’m forced to resort to the old standby of smut and had I not put this post up I’d probably be losing sleep wondering if people thought I’ve lost my edge. I worry about these things and a million other things on a day to day basis. But it’s that rampant paranoia and perfectionism that drives me. Oh the things I do for you people.

Oh yes the link. It’s not graphic but it’s implicit. Some may even say it’s cute but those people need a slap across the face with the Rampant Rabbit and I’m just the asshole to do it.

Did you ever wonder what Pi to the ten thousandth digit would sound like as musical notes? Me neither. Here’s the link anyway.

I’m the only ukulele player I know out of my circle of friends and acquaintances. It doesn’t exactly ooze testosterone in the way a Gibson SG does but I enjoy playing nonetheless and have been known to write a song or two on the damn thing when I’m not too busy updating this site or playing the guitar. I’ve been contemplating getting a new ukulele because of the problems I’ve been having with string buzz but really where does one get a higher-end ukulele other than custom-made or mail-order. Besides, I’m a “try before I buy” type of person and not too mechanically inclined. I’m sure that I could pull off making one from this kit though.