Flashcube.org

Okay, I’m tired and sweaty and generally disgusting to be around but somehow I’ve gathered the strength to find more crap to put up on this site. Never being one to have one’s sexuality questioned, here’s a game from the Gurl.com website. Make your own cyber-sweetheart. Who cares? Apparently, I did as I went through the process and came up with this. Was it accurate? Not on your life. Was it entertaining? Not even close. Was it the best I could pull out of my ass tonight? Absolutely. Good night.

Your guess is as good as mine.

Disgraced former olympic figure skater Tonya Harding has a website in which people can post comment via her online forum. Being a high-profile figure coupled with sometimes nefarious nature of the internet she tends to attract some pretty shady characters whom write in her forums. The Tonya Harding Fantasies forum above all is the most bizarre featuring things that are unquotable even on this website. But since you asked so nicely. All the dirty words have been replaced by me (in Capitals):

We would go eat a nice dinner then go back to hotel. My wife would then PLAY BACKGAMMON WITH tonya, slip her skates on then BUY ICE CREAM. Tonya would be in so much pleasure she would be screaming for MORE ICE CREAM and at the end we all HIGH FIVE together. Then the two girls just start PLAYING FRISBEE. they manage to get in a OPTIMAL FRISBEE-THROWING position. Tonya pulls an ELBOW BRACE out from under the pillow and as she is ENJOYING my wife’s SENSE OF HUMOUR she slowly TOSSES the big FRISBEE INTO my wifes ARMS. my wife starts to CLAP UNCONTROLABLY as tonya CATCHES the huge FRISBEE FROM of my wifes ARMS. Then ‚ with the bed shaking like there is a earthquake my woman CELEBRATES all over tonyas ARMS and EARS then move in and start to clean her with my WETNAP as she CONGRATULATES me. I am working my way down to her PLACE OF BUSINESS as my wife straps on a FANNY PACK and positions herself behind tonya . My FEET PIROUETTE NEAR the skater like a 9.9 then I can feel as the FEET DANCE. Now me and my wife are just SPENDING QUALITY TIME WITH her OFTEN and shes lovin every minute…AWESOME.

An article that speaks near and dear to my heart. The sooner we can get rid of this typeface the better. Note: Graeme did a similar if not better take on this in an article on his now-neglected website.

Ed Broadbent is back apparently. I seriously thought he was dead being as his heyday was like 20 years ago. Not only is he back but some incredibly cruel advertising firm actually managed to convince him to star in a music video (ahem) rapping. What the fuck?! Thanks to DG for the link.
Oh fuck! Ed’s back!

Here’s some nice albeit creepy flash animations from the Meguro Language Center showing how to speak basic Japanese. I recall some time a few months ago when I was trying to speak Japanese through audio lessons and a Japanese English dictionary. These would have been a nice supplement to the lessons.

I don’t get this game.

I was recently made aware of something that is not too far from where I grew up. Torrington is a town about an hour northeast of Calgary. Torrington is as very, very small town with a population of less than 200 people yet it attracts thousands of people each year who come and visit its gopher hole museum. It’s difficult for me to explain it as it sounds so completely insane that you’d sear I was making it up. The gopher hole musuem contains dozens of dioramas portraying the towns history. However, instead of people the history is illustrated by gophers. Sound bizarre. Here’s a photo.

The PBS show Frontline features a really good exposé on the music industry and just how fucked it is right now in terms of being an artist trying to make it. it. Featured bands are the new supergroup Velvet Revolver and some other singer/songwriter lady who deservedly fails. Real Player and a lot of time of your hands is required.

Huh?!

Google has been very quiet about its social networking website called Orkut. It’s similar to Friendster in a lot of respects but differs on a number of key points. First, the site works and is responsive. Secondly, it’s invite-only. Mason was kind enough to invite me this morning and now I’ll extend the invite to you if you let me know who you are. Drop me an email. I’ll sort you out.

Dear god why! Click at your own peril to watch this medical video of a no-scalpel vasectomy. Me being such a fucking pussy couldn’t get past the first five seconds before even the anesthetic was applied. I saw the big needle and said, “Fuck That!”

Fuck That!

Take one of the highly-praised scenes in cinematic history and have your way with it using this website to take some of the clips from the shower scene and splice them together any which way you choose.

Have you ever wanted to know how to make a trucker hat out of garbage? Here’s how.

The results of the Vice poll were the most interesting by far. I was completely caught off guard by the fact that “Combination…..” was by far the clear winner. What does this mean? It could possibly mean that each of the other answers sequentially lead to each other or that those who voted are total perverts which I find funny seeing as I was the one person who voted “sex”. And not because the other choices were any better or worse but rather because noone had voted for it yet. Anyways, here are the results. Comment below.

Ten By Ten, an art, design, and visual culture magazine features an interesting article called Ideas For Actions. This article explores different activities that fit within its nice little artistic context and tries to justify them by associating them with Situationist International. As an art school survivor, I know bullshit when I see it and wish that the author wouldn’t hide behind such artistic pretense and call it for what it really is “Dumb stuff that’s fun to do”. Once the stain of art wank has been washed away the article is an easier and much more fun read.

Don’t even try it, asshole!

I don’t own a pair of sandals nor do I plan on buying any in the near future. Not because I don’t think they can’t be fabulous if worn correctly but rather because I have finger-toes. Finger-toes are what someone once (I honestly can’t recall who) called my toes them as they are long, bony, and prehensile. They are quite ugly as well so that’s why I like to keep them under wraps. However, despite their ugliness, I would feel compelled to take off my socks were I to wear sandals as that’s simply in the poorest possible taste, completely inexcusable, and something akin to hippies and mountain folk. No, no, no! Don’t fucking do it!

Damn Hippies!

Ghetto, Fabulous, or Ghetto Fabulous. The decision is yours to make.
This image is not me. I’m far uglier.

More often than not you’ll hear a lot of different euphemisms for male masturbation from the standard, “choking the chicken” to the more obscure “wrestling the cyclops”. However, euphemisms for female masturbation are few and far between. Well to my knowledge at least. With that, here’s a splendid page listing in alphabetical order most known female masturbation euphemisms. If there are any lacking from this list, please mention them in the comments.

So wrong.

Girls Guitar Club is a short film written and performed by Mary Lynn Rajskub and Karen Kilgariff. Very nice, very sweet, very funny.