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How does one even begin to describe this. Welcome to Farang Ding Dong, “Home of the Asian H-cups”. Upon my first visit to this page, my first reaction was “what the fuck!?” followed soon thereafter by the soft, supple sound of a man losing his dinner. My thoughts on all this are (in no particular order):

• Why?
• How do they do things? I mean anything. Like driving a car or tying shoes.
• Are their clothes tailored. Most shops don’t cater to women that disproportionate.
• Who gets off on this?

You’re going to have to see for yourself what this is all about as I steadfastly refuse to put an image of a 5-foot slender Asian woman with a 84 inch bust on my website. You’ve been warned. In the interim, here’s a picture of a boobie.

Most people think that I spend my idle time maintaining this website and playing the ukulele. I have other pursuits as well. One of the things I have been doing over the past few weeks is to try and learn a second language. One would think that being able to speak one of Canada’s two official languages, I would learn the other. Nope, I’m learning to speak Japanese. I’ve been listening to Pimsleur Japanese 1 to and from work everyday for the past week and a half. I’m only up to lesson 3 so far, but I’m getting there. I’ve augmented my learning by also purchasing Japanese to English dictionary from Sophia Books in downtown Vancouver. So far I can say the following things:

• I do not understand Japanese.
• Do you speak English?
• Would you like to go out on a date with me?
• Good morning.

As I progress through the lessons, I fully expect that my command of the language will become unparalleled. I’m the meantime, I’ll just keep on trucking through the lesson. Oddly, I don’t have any Japanese acquaintances that I can bounce my poor verbal skills off of.

I went online shopping for the first time this morning right before work. The funny thing is how could I have spent $100, still be in my underwear and shirtless, and have not had sex? Here’s a rundown of how I spent my cash.

• $5 to Mason to help him eat and not die
• All about Lily Chou-Chou DVD from Ebay (buy it now, buy it right fucking now!)
• O’ Reilly T-shirt

Word cannot even begin to describe this madness.

Wow! I’ve found the mother load. Talk about really droppin’ science. Lo-fi pop music about science. Damn!

Les Horribles Cernettes are the one and only High Energy Rock Band. They sing about colliders, quarks, microwaves, antiprotons and Internet. They are known and loved by some 20000 High Energy Physicists worldwide.

Good music production can do a lot to a bad voice. In the case of Enrique Iglesias, it can do a a hell of a lot. A stage technician recorded this from Enrique Iglesias’ microphone as Enrique was lip synching to a playback version of “Rhythm Divine” at a concert in Poland. Has to be heard to be believed. And I thought I did bad karaoke. Damn!

I suppose Rock, Paper, Scissors is much more than a way to decide who pays the bill. There is a small minority who take this game so seriously in fact that they have organized a competition. And I thought it was all chance and no strategy. Apparently not as it’s sponsored by Molson.

Upon the advice of a friend I decided to take an online quiz that asks you a series of questions and then guesses your gender. I thought it funny and cute while doing the questions until the time to display the final results. 80% woman!? What the fuck?! Granted I may not be the most masculine man alive but I have to contest the results. I’m gonna need to need some re-affirmation here, so somebody please tell me that I’m the toughest, roughest motherfucker you know. My pride is depending on it.

How is that a gay male can get 100 women in the shower, document it with photos and I can’t? I’m nice, good-looking, and have a sparkling personality. Granted, I’m not the best at parties, despite that, I’m still someone you’d would like to have a shower with. I suppose it may be his disposition and the fact that they don’t feel threatened because of his sexuality, but still 100 women! All boobies and genitalia have been blurred out when needed so despite the content it is eerily non-sexual. He is currently in talks to have the book published and is working on another project, “100 straight men in the shower”

Futurama, while one of my favourite shows has been put on indefinite hiatus (cancelled). However, I do have seasons 1 ad 2 on DVD so all is not lost. Enjoy this article about futurama and all the clever math jokes strewn throughout the series. Then again, what do you expect when the shows creators have degrees in advanced mathematics. The article is in PDF form so Acrobat Reader is required. Also, check out my favourite Futurama website.

Because there never really is enough ways to say, “Let’s Freak!” here comes a handy dictionary of sexual euphemisms ranging from the disgusting the obtuse. My favourites from the list include:

• Yodel in the valley
• Lay some pipe
• Mommy-daddy dance

Shall we dance?