Flashcube.org

One of things I hate most in life in being sick. I have this perception of myself of being above all this nonsense. But every so often the chicken comes home to roost, so to speak. In this latest instance a really bad sinus cold followed by achyness and tiredness. While certainly not casting out my fishing line and hoping to catch sympathy, I hope to go over a few points of thing to do and not to do while your are in this state.

• Don’t go to work
  Sure it seemed like a good idea at the time. Plus I need the hours. But in the end I ended up being a cuminicable nuisance to every one else. Nobody likes the asshole who gave them the cold.

• Don’t make plans to go to a party after work
  Again, I deluded myself in thinking, “I’ll be fine by the end of the day. I have a strong immune system that will sort this shit out by 8pm.” This all sounded great until around 6:30pm and I was writhing in pain and hacking up a lung.

• Let everyone know you are sick
  This serves one of two purposes. The first being to let everyone know to keep their distance. The second is to exploit the inherent feelings of empathy from those who have also gone through a bad sickness. You may get chicken soup out of the deal. However it better not be that Lipton soup packet bullshit or you may have to pull a Linda Blair and projectile vomit.

• Look Sharp
  Just because you’re sick doesn’t mean you mean you should be a fucking slob. Hop in that shower. The steam will do you good. And for god’s sake, shave. As long as you cut lift your arm or get the attention of someone else, you should really shave. Whether it be trimming an existing beard or goatee or getting rid of unsightly stubble, get on that shit. Also, put on your best pajamas because you’ll be spending a lot of time indoors. Have several pairs lined up because laundry and illness do not mix.

• Open the window, motherfucker!
  I’ve recently become a proponent to the belief that fresh air and natural light does far better than worse. So stop being a hobbit and open the blinds.

• Don’t take calls
  You know you sound like a pubescent jackass. No one else needs to.

Roughly how I feel right now. Click on the image to see how I’m looking through this whole debacle.

Here is a gallery of Vintage Ad Characters for you to look at brought to you by The Imaginary World website. Be sure to check out the rest of the archive while you’re at it. In the meantime, I will crawl into bed and succumb to this fucking sinus cold I have. You see what I a good webmaster I am. I try to update this site every day or other day even when I am being pushed to the threshold of mortality due to the illness. That’s dedication and public service for you and worth at least a comment or two. Give me a reason or two to crawl back from the abyss.

Enjoy the fun website and while you’re up get me some fucking Advil.

UFO wass a 1970 British science fiction television series about a secret military organization which defends the Earth from Alien invaders. It was set in far off year of 1980 a year where everyone wears groovy outfits and has fabulous hair. The series features quite possibly the best opening sequence of any show I’ve ever seen. The website features images, infomation and short movie clips (like the one of Lieutenant Ellis changing into her silver space miniskirt. rowr!)

Welcome to the year 1980

This monkey takeover website showcases news events which add credence to the belief that apes will one day be our lords and masters. I tend to agree with him.

It’s only a matter of time.

Blackwolf The Dragonmaster is New York’s first and only unofficial wizard. His site details his many forays throughout the multi-verse. He first gained notoriety through his appearance in a Triumph The Insult Comic Dog video and subsequently a lengthy audio interview at Something Awful. You can also hire him for various functions.

A magician’s wand is all ye lack; Click yon mouse and haste ye back!

From what I can understand The Washlet is kind of like a bidet but for North Americans with severe Francophobia. It is within everyone’s best interest to take as many hallucinogens as possible and watch the Washlet video (13MB).

We love the Washlet

In my wistful, yet entirely unproductive and lonesome nights I’ve stared out at the stars and wondered where’s the girl for me. A woman, stalwart in her beliefs, fiercely independent, and a little bit dangerous.

The Meet An Inmate website puts those apprehensions to rest. There you can meet and communicate with a woman whose just dying to meet someone as interesting as you. Search for your ideal mate by age, and sexuality. While the release dates are displayed for every listing, the conviction is not so it is difficult to know what one is getting into. However to the noncommittal a longer release date may be more desirable. Make a lonely Inmate Smile.

In 2009 Marla can finally be yours

If you’re feeling the need get iced out before you go to the club, make sure you visit the Iced Out Gear website. Iced Out Gear are the purveyors of fine jewellery aimed at the Hip Hop demographic. Whether it’s watches, rings, or even a pimp cup, Iced Out Gear has you sorted. Check it.

The 1981 movie Scanners features the tagline,”10 Seconds: The Pain Begins. 15 Seconds: You Can’t Breathe. 20 Seconds: You Explode.”. After visiting this site I felt the same way.

Gary Spivey is a famous US psychic. He’s appeared on several second-rate television shows like, “The Other Half” hosted by Danny Bonaduce (think a male version of The View only without Star Jones‘ fat obnoxious ass) and has his own Las Vegas show. He has successfully predicted a number of things like Bob Dole falling of a stage and the death of Tip O’ Neill. He begs to be taken seriously.

The photo section is quite enjoyable. Well, I suppose as enjoyable as it can be to see a middle-aged man dressed all in white and a platinum afro slumming with Hollywoods’ elite. Well, at least he has a photo with my favourite actress.

Bow before Gary Spivey

Only you can prevent forest fires. Because we can’t be on the front lines of British Columbia’s natural disaster we can do our duty by going to the Smokey The Bear website and learning how we can take a proactive effort by not dousing our campfire in lighter fluid and gasoline.

The website has a kids section featuring games and fire facts (read: not for human consumption). The vault features Smokey images from the past 50 years. Also, you can create a funny story. Look for mine in the comments.

Here’s a fun online mini golf game to keep you occupied for a few minutes. I can’t recall my score but I got a double-bogey at least three times. I don’t think I ever made par.

This fascinating website features a panel of two men critiquing the interior design of amateur gay pornography. Not to worry, the nakedness is grayed out so all attention can be focused on the background. Worth a peek.

What’s with the stuffed animals?

Over the past few days any email that I’ve been receiving or sending may have not gone through due to a variety of technical reasons dealing with changing the domain name (flashcube.org) from one registrar to another. The reason I’ve changed is because the owner of the name registrar happens to be my roommate making technical support a matter of yelling his name across the apartment.

However, the actual transfer from the previous registrar to the new one hasn’t been going as smoothly as I had hoped because of few mistakes on my part. This means that some emails that I have sent or have been sent to and from my email address have somehow disappeared into the ether. In the end there is hope for the hopeless and things should be cleared up by Tuesday.

Eric’s Friend: Happy birthday, Eric. Is there anything I can do for you today?

Eric: I want a cake with my name on it, a paper crown, and perhaps a balsa wood dinosaur kit.

Eric’s Friend: I’ll see what I can do about the cake. Maybe I’ll head down to the DQ and get you a nice ice cream cake. The paper crown I can make easily out of this discarded periodical. I don’t know about the balsa wood dinosaur. The science center is closed for the holiday and I can’t think of anywhere else I can get one.

Eric: Forget about the dinosaur then.

Eric’s Friend: But Eric, it’s your birthday. We’re here to celebrate. Is there anything else you’d like to get?

Eric: Some.

The gentleman on the right did not get a balsa wood dinosaur for his birthday.