To Hell And Back
After taking Dante’s Inferno test, I found myself reaching the eighth level of a possible nine levels of hell. I guess this means I shouldn’t make plans for the afterlife because I already know where I’m going. I find it funny because I always thought of myself as nice and charming. Maybe there is a dark, sinister part of Eric none see. While that may be beguiling to some, it could be also potentially dangerous to others. Here’s the description of level eight from the site:
Eighth Level of Hell - the Malebolge
Serpents writhe and wrap around men, sometimes fusing into each other. Bodies are torn apart. When you arrive, you will want to put your hands over your ears because of the lamentations of the sinners here, who are afflicted with scabs like leprosy, and lay sickon the ground, furiously scratching their skin off with their nails. Indeed, justice divine doth smite themwith its hammer.
So it looks like I’m in great company in the hereafter and honestly really does get you nowhere - especially in online quizzes. As a challenge, I would like to know how everyone else stacks up. Just give me the level you’ve reached. No need for details. If I want them, I’ll come to you.
Update: I’ve upped the ante. Anyone who can meet or beat my ranking of level 8 in Dante’s Inferno test will get a prize. The nature of the prize will be revealed in one week’s time. C’mon you fucking heathens! I’ll see you at level 8.
Portrait of the author as a tortured soul.
August 24th, 2003 at 22:16 PM
i only made it to the second level! fuck! better luck next time i guess.
i was surprised to find out that eating out at restaurants was sinful. does the drive-through window count for half a sin?
August 25th, 2003 at 22:26 PM
The Dante’s Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
I’ll claim cultural bias on the part of that Momma’s boy Dante. Though level two is rated as ‘Very High’, really would you rather be a Panderer? Hmm, Skilling?
Hell can’t be all that bad though; remember that they’re famously afriad of a takeover by these clowns down there.
August 27th, 2003 at 23:37 PM
I feel disappointed that I have only gotten to the 6th level, I took the test about a year ago and ranked the same.
October 19th, 2003 at 23:45 PM
I got to the ninth level! here are my stats.
Level Who are sent there? Score
Purgatory Repenting Believers Low
Level 1 - Limbo Virtuous Non-Believers Very Low
Level 2 Lustful High
Level 3 Gluttonous Low
Level 4 Prodigal and Avaricious Very High
Level 5 Wrathful and Gloomy Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis Heretics Very Low
Level 7 Violent High
Level 8- the Malebolge Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus Treacherous Extreme
I swear on my grave and MINE ALONE that this are my true stats e-mail me if necessary.
October 22nd, 2003 at 0:45 AM
Damn! 9th level! That’s the level of hell that doesn’t fuck around. Congrats, Coire.
November 9th, 2003 at 18:38 PM
i got to the 6th level, not too bad, i guess
April 30th, 2004 at 12:58 PM
Ummm….yeah i got the 5th level thats pretty fucked up since i….well im not that bad you know i just do normal 15 year old stuff and all….o well to the STYX i go…YEAH1111
July 17th, 2004 at 12:23 PM
well i admit it im a fucking little bastard and ive been banished to the 8th level of hell, Malebolge with an “extreme”. but on the bright side if i kick enough ass around there they might ship me off to a different level becuz im also quite welcome everwhere else except purgatory and limbo….o well maybe satan will like me and send me up the mountain to conquer the light for him,, muah hahahahahahaha