Flashcube.org

Despite the similarities between the Star Trek creatures. These are actually rabbits.

In the spirit of personal discovery I decided to take an online personality disorder test. The test asks a series of questions and then displays a chart showing how you measured up. While not the most scientific of tests, it does give you a general ideas of your strengths and failings. This is how I measured up.

As it can be clearly seen, while I am fairly low in terms of being Paranoid, Borderline, and Dependent. I’ve scored pretty high as a Histrionic and am off the fucking charts as a Narcissist.

It got me to thinking, “Am I really that self-absorbed and praise-seeking from others?”. To be honest this site is a testament to that very fact. And while I could argue the validity of the test, why should I. Rather than let this mar my reputation, why not embrace it to the point of ridiculousness. Why shouldn’t I be honest with myself as well as others in saying that, yes, this site is purely an exercise in self-aggrandizement? In the spirit of the former Squidmail, it is also a fanclub to myself and so self-absorbed it makes me absolutely gush with pride.

So while I endeavor to put up interesting links and stories to keep my friends abreast of my goings on, in the end it’s really all about me, the people that like me, and the clumsy, slipshod attempt to get more people to like me.

That being said, one should not be taken aback by my candidness. One should be glad that I provide a forum for discussion. Whether it be, “I always thought you a bit of an asshole and I thought you were being coy and cute, but, but……FUCK!?” or “You’ve really fucking done this time, Eric. Piss off!”.

The Narcissus Flower

You have Superman, Spiderman, and the Hulk. All of them have super-powers that make most evil-doers tremble in fear. Then of course there is Matter-Eater Lad. Matter-Eater Lad has super-eating and digestion as his super power. Not only can he eat anything, he can do it at an incredible pace. In fact, he once hollowed out an asteroid to save humanity.

Despite the obvious similarities, this gentleman is not Matter-Eater Lad.

Send an email to your favourite celebrity and let them know how much of a fan you are of their work. Not only can you write letters you can also read the captivating albeit fucking crazy letters by other people.

Letter to Cameron Diaz
Dear Cameron, With all the respect that you deserve, I want to tell you that you are so sexy, hot and original that you remember Marilyn Monroe. If she already has another life, I’m sure you are.As a man I am, I can imagine how loved could be a man in your arms. It must be a dream came true, to feel and kiss your lips. Very truly yours: Alberto

Letter to Angelina Jolie
hello Ange so how about a date im 25yrs old i live in Massachusetts lol how lame asking you out through a email id rather face to face but the chaces of me meeting you in person not to good if you want i can send you a pic of myself:) So you did another TR movie it looks good i will have to see it when it comes out on dvd. I would go to the theaters to see it but sitting on those seats for that long no way well hope to hear from you…

Update: No one won last weeks contest by meeting or beating my ranking of level eight. However, kudos to Mason for getting to level six. I’ve decided to make a new contest. But this time it’s a bit more arbitrary as there are no points or levels involved. Write a fan letter to the person of your choice and post it in the comments. Most disturbing or beguiling letter wins a prize.

Dear Jodie Foster………..

Like the voices in my head weren’t fucking bad enough, now I have to contend with aliens probing my thoughts. Not anymore though because some genius has come up with the Thought screen hat which keeps the greys, reptilians, and any other extra-terrestrial motherfuckers out of my head. Thought screen hats are kind of like regular hats but are retrofitted with Velostat telepathic shielding and usually worn by old men.

If you’re feeling really handy, you can make your own. The instructions are here. I took it upon myself to do just that.

The Ask Men website is featuring an article of the top 10 signs she’s flirting with you. While this list can seem comprehensive I think it misses the mark on a few of the points. Therefore I am going to augment the article by featuring additional reasons that she may be flirting with you. In no particular order here they are:

• She shows you photos of yourself that you never remember her taking
  Don’t let this little shutter-bug fool you because after you’ve seen the fiftieth photo of you taken with a telescopic lens you can rest assure she interested.

• She’s always serving you drinks
  Despite the fact that for some strange reason you can’t manage to have more than one of her beverages without feeling sleepy you can’t help but notice she may be keen on you. Not only that, after you’ve lost all motor control she’s nice enough to carry you back to her place. It’s nice to know someone is looking after your well being.

• She’s interested in your opinions
  When it comes to women’s clothing, it’s not often that men get approached for their opinion. But time after time she asks you, “does this t-back go with this boustier or shall it be the thong?” And while you can answer honestly, it’s hard to let someone know your real opinion of their patent-leather assless chaps/thong combo.

• She shows a real interest in your comfort
  Whenever she insists that you visit for tea, she also seems to be aware of your comfort level by asking you questions and comments such as, “Is it too cold in here? Let me turn up the heat.” It may seems kind of funny because before you never really took much notice of central heating or air conditioning. Despite your skepticism she may have a predilection towards you.

• She puts her hand down your pants
  As easy as it is to misconstrue this as a strange European greeting, it is in fact her way of saying, “I would like to get to know you better”

I’m hoping that with these additional points your dating life can be as fruitful as mine. Let me know in the comments if these additional hints give you the foresight to see if anyone in your midst is showing an interest in you.

Do you enjoy the music of Clarence Carter?

For those who like it loud, hard, fast, and skanky there is Metal Sludge. Your one stop shop for information on your favourite heavy metal bands from yesterday and today. The interviews are the most entertaining. They also have a pussy list of those metal stars who refused an interview like Yngwie Malmsteen.

Rob Halford also believes that Yngwie Malmsteen is a total pussy

OldSkoolTrack.com is the nexus of Track-bike culture. Track-bikes are light, fast, and extremely responsive bikes that have no brakes, and only one direct-drive fixed-gear. Yes, no brakes. While you may question the sanity of someone riding this bike, ask yourself this, “If Kevin Bacon can ride one in Quicksilver, why shouldn’t I?”

In defense, proponents of the track-bike say that it provides a better workout than conventional bikes as you are always in complete control of the bike. It’s been called “Zen on wheels” because of the inhuman ability to become ultra-perceptive of one’s surroundings when you have no brakes.

Riding a track bike is a totally Zen-like experience. You are in total contact with the bike, the road, and everything around you. A track bike is cycling stripped down to its barest essentials.
Brian Dorfmann, Programmer at a large Manhattan law firm

Can you do the “Kevin Bacon dismount”?

I guess I don’t take enough hallucinogens because this website is completely beyond my comprehension. Is it a game? Does it hold the ancient secrets that will forever change the course of human history? Or is it a good way to kill ten minutes on a Sunday? I’m guessing the last one and that I should get out more and get “high on life” so to speak. Thanks to that motherfucker Kevin Rodgers for the link.

After taking Dante’s Inferno test, I found myself reaching the eighth level of a possible nine levels of hell. I guess this means I shouldn’t make plans for the afterlife because I already know where I’m going. I find it funny because I always thought of myself as nice and charming. Maybe there is a dark, sinister part of Eric none see. While that may be beguiling to some, it could be also potentially dangerous to others. Here’s the description of level eight from the site:

Eighth Level of Hell - the Malebolge
Serpents writhe and wrap around men, sometimes fusing into each other. Bodies are torn apart. When you arrive, you will want to put your hands over your ears because of the lamentations of the sinners here, who are afflicted with scabs like leprosy, and lay sickon the ground, furiously scratching their skin off with their nails. Indeed, justice divine doth smite themwith its hammer.

So it looks like I’m in great company in the hereafter and honestly really does get you nowhere - especially in online quizzes. As a challenge, I would like to know how everyone else stacks up. Just give me the level you’ve reached. No need for details. If I want them, I’ll come to you.

Update: I’ve upped the ante. Anyone who can meet or beat my ranking of level 8 in Dante’s Inferno test will get a prize. The nature of the prize will be revealed in one week’s time. C’mon you fucking heathens! I’ll see you at level 8.

Portrait of the author as a tortured soul.

You know, I’ve often contemplated the projects I spend my free time doing; be it this website or something else. And for the most part I can justify what I do as well as understand other people’s intellectual or creative pursuits. So I am quite befuddled when I find out that teenagers are trying to create dragons.

Project Dracogenesis is the ongoing project to create a living, (fire) breathing, benevolent dragon to help humanity. While some may construe this as clearly fucking insane others may admire their courage and conviction. Here is a passage from their mission statement:

Project DracoGenesis is dedicated towards making the fictional and imaginative dragon into a beneficial ally. We will show the nearly forgotten dedication of mankind and a goal, and we will demonstrate our success as a reminder. Science will be our tool to build more tools of science, and we will advertise and offer these newfound tools to any who put it to practical use. Many say it’s impossible, but impossibility has been our goal even before history.

It’s difficult for me to dedicate myself to the most mediocre of tasks. How is then that these folks can spend years upon on an almost insurmountable and some may say impossible task with little or no education in genetics. Thankfully these questions are answered in the F.A.Q. section of the website.

Q: How do you plan on doing this?
A: Genetics is a fascinating field, is it not? The creation of living things has already been made possible even a few years back. With prospective engineers and scientists uncovering new technology, eight years from now making something as advanced as a dragon could be more than possible. One of these days, there will be an artificial egg. That egg will hatch, and DracoGenesis will have succeeded in it’s goal.

Whether or not this comes to fruition can only revealed in time. The tentative goal is 2010 as at that time the group involved in the project will have gone to and finished college and subsequently gained an education in genetic engineering. Here’s hoping.

I am the culmination of years of effort and study. Give me a hug.

Talk like a pirate and impress your friends with your buccaneer vernacular. Frankly, this website should walk the plank as it really doesn’t live up to its’ namesake as the actual pirate talking lingo is quite spare. However, they have organized an official pirate-talking day on September 19th so who the fuck am I to judge. After a bit of Googling, I found a far superior pirate dictionary hosted by a highly informative pirate website.

Prepare to be boarded, bitches!

The House Rabbit Society is an organization dedicated to informing and educating the public on having a rabbit as a housepet. The site includes tips on caring and feeding and socializing it with your other pets. Best of all is their bunny gallery. Everytime you reload a page it’s a new bunny!

I love my female friends. They are intelligent, fashionable, sassy, and forthright with their opinions. I respect them without prejudice and treat them as equal. However, if one of them met me one day with a vulva-shaped purse, I would probably have to reconsider our friendship. Thankfully, I am confident in the fact that they have one thing in common: taste.

ArtGoddess.com has vulva-shaped merchandise for sale on their website. They are made with care from people who spell “magical” with a K. They have vulva-purses, vulva-valentines, and most disturbing of all a vulva-hat.

“A heart full of love and the feminine divine or….

you can never have too many vulvas!”

I don’t know about you but if I gave any of the women I know a vulva-valentine, they would slap the shit out of me. And for good reason.

Everyone’s favourite city state has its’ own website featuring things like Vatican Radio, their weekly newspaper, and television. Not only that but also that but information on Pope’s present and past as well as various proclamations. Thanks Angela for the link.

Like any more reasons should be given to cut your mullet. Not only is it unfashionable, it’s fucking dangerous.

The earth is a big planet. Really big. Such that there are a lot of different accents around the world. The Speech Accent Archive has listed at least 264 that you can listen to online. A surprising omission was the Canadian Maritime accent. Nonetheless, listen to the many ways the following phrase can be spoken.

Please call Stella.  Ask her to bring these things with her from the store:  Six spoons of fresh snow peas, five thick slabs of blue cheese, and maybe a snack for her brother Bob.  We also need a small plastic snake and a big toy frog for the kids. She can scoop these things into three red bags, and we will go meet her Wednesday at the train station.

This really interesting gallery of digitally retouched images shows us exactly the difference between an original and what eventually appears in a magazine.

It’s official Left-Handers Day today. As part of this demonized minority, I demand that everyone kiss my ass for the next 24 hours. Buying me a drink would be nice though too.

When it comes to romancing ladies, this guy has it all figured out Here’s a passage from his website “Romancin’ Her”

“One of her favorites is her night gown.  I had my sister pick me up a woman’s nightgown, just a long plain pink one. Which much resembled a really long T-shirt.  You know what kind I mean don’t ya guys?  Anyway, I also bought a red, blue and black permanent markers. I wrote things all over it like her nick  name, I love you, sweet dreams, cuddles, hugs, etc. and the following poem right down the middle of the back.”
 

So that’s why I spend my evenings alone and despondent. I haven’t broken out the Sharpie and ruined a perfectly good nightgown with inane romantic scribbling. I didn’t think it could get any better. But wait, there’s more. He’s also a poet.

You’re kissable and cuddly

You’re lovable and sweet

You thrill me every minute,

And sweep me off my feet.

You’re charming and disarming,

Desirable and true.

You inspire and impress me,

And that’s why I love you!

It’s no wonder that I can’t get a date. I haven’t figured out rhyming quatrains yet. Well, we can’t have that can we? Here is my debut poem. I’m gonna be romancin’ tonight if you know what I mean!

You have the finest booty

You wear a thong too.

And those low ridin’ jeans. Damn!

I wanna get witchu.

Your hair is all teased like that

And your legs are slim and strong.

When you wear those heels, baby

I wanna freak you all night long